John’s posterous

If anyone has has fallen in the trap of self pity, it was me. At 12/13 i was cutting myself and doing all kinds of drugs. Any idea of God was gone, i figured he didn't care. I had little friends. None close enough to see what was going on. By my freshmen year in high school, i had tried to kill myself 3 times. I've dealt with severe deprecation. I;m not saying "oh i know how you feel" Because, honestly, i don't. I don't know you or what is going on. But what i do know is God is going to try like hell to get you back to being okay. He will never leave you nor forsake you. That when you run from him and hide problems, he is running with you. You can't hide anything from God. The Dude is everywhere. Don't look at stuff as what you lost, look at what you gained. You might not see it yet, but it's there. Last October I lost my house, and everything in it. I went in to this sort of daze. At that point i saw i had two choices, wallow is self pity, or be the rock my family needed. ( I am the only Christian in my family). God held me up, dusted me off and told me that it was in HIS plan. It was painful, i had to move and hour away from all my friends. My social life ended. I only saw them at school. As for your dreams, they are still there. There has to be one thing you want. Maybe you can't see it yet. But God has BIG stuff for you still. Talk to him about it, but don't be discouraged if things don't happen right away. As for your "voice" i is still there. Why? Because God isn't done with you yet. These seasons hit us to shape us, and make us in to better people. Yea i bet you heard that at least 100 times. I will keep you in my prayers John. While it may not look like it there is an end to this. Don't hate life. Live each day for God. The average male has 26,462 days. How many do you have left? That you will never know. So live each day like it's your last. I promise things will work out, And don't stop writing. Maybe stop publicly, but have a private blog. Or keep a journal. Write to God. I may have been way out of place and out of line here, but all well. I will keep praying for you.

Cant say much for I am not in your shoes. However I wish you were here. I would take you Fly-Fishing. God never ceases to amaze me every time I go. The surroundings are enough to take ones mind off of everyday struggles. HOWEVER there is something even bigger.

To know what goes on and why the fish only take certain flies amazes me. Everything is so intricately wound in perfect order. From the Fly laying its eggs on the surface of the water to the nymph stage where the flies attach themselves to rocks and debris, to finally emerging to the surface and drying their wings so they can fly off. All the while fish are sucking them down as a food source.

So what does that have to do with anything? I dont know? But it does tell me that God is so involved in even the smallest of detail.